Pushing People Away
by withoutapast
Summary: One-shot: short alternate scene - what if things had gone differently when Beca went to apologize to Jesse? Rated for language.
1. Part 1

"Jesse, I know you're in there. I can smell popcorn. Jesse, come on, open up."

After a minute that felt longer than it should have, the door opened. Beca couldn't stop the smile brought on by the sight of him. Since when could he make her smile without even trying? "Hey… I tried to call you. I left you a bunch of messages."

"Yeah, I got them."

She wasn't stupid; she knew he'd been ignoring her. Nonetheless, his admission, its casualty, its curtness, stung. So, Beca launched into her apology, "I'm sorry that we fought. I was mad and I overreacted and I'm just… Aubrey makes me crazy."

Jesse had expected to receive a lame attempt at an apology. Beca was never very good at them, usually adding just enough snarky sarcasm to effectively ruin the point anyway. But still, he hadn't anticipated this superficial an attempt. It wasn't snide, it was just plain pathetic. Was this all he was worth to her? "Seriously? You think I'm mad because you yelled at me?"

Well, damn. Her apology hadn't been insincere, although it hadn't been fully honest either. She just wasn't expecting him to call her out on it. "No, I know…" This was new and she wasn't sure how to navigate, but Jesse wasn't going to give her time to figure it out.

"No, you don't. You think you know, but you don't. You push away anyone who could possibly care about you. Why is that?"

She certainly wasn't smiling now. He was right, of course. But how the hell was she supposed to answer that question? "I don't know."

"Well, you better figure it out because I'm done with whatever this is."

"Jesse…?" She pleaded.

"I'm done," he repeated with aloof finality as he closed the door in her face.

Fuck.

If he asked her that too damn personal question now, she knew exactly how she'd answer it. _This_ was why she pushed people away. Because whenever they got too close, whenever she got too damn attached, they always pulled some dumb shit like this. Abandon her. Leave her. Close the door in her fucking face.

She took a step back, swallowing hard. She'd learned her lesson. You can't open up to anybody, even puppy-eyed, juice pouch-toting dorks who mimic cinematic fist thrusts. She sighed. She'd repair the chips he'd made in her walls. Move on. Forget it all. His goofy grin and dumb jokes. It was no big deal. Things would finally go back to being normal and she would be free to pursue her LA dreams with nothing tying her to this place. This was how things were supposed to be. This was how she had wanted it. Correction: This is how she _still_ wanted it. Wasn't it?

"Why are you crying?"

His whisper startled her more than the sensation of the pads of his thumbs as they wiped away the tears spilling from her eyes.

Her only response was a sharp intake of breath.

"Why are you crying?" He repeated, leaning in closer, invading her space. She didn't seem to mind. Her eyes were locked on his.

"Beca, why are you crying?" He asked again, resting his forehead against hers, close enough now that they were sharing the same breaths.

"You," was all she managed to choke out.

Jesse chuckled as he moved his lips to kiss away another tear. "Monosyllabic, even now." He continued to plant feather kisses down the trail stained by tears.

"You're a jerk," she said suddenly, stepping back and punching him in the chest.

Jesse's eyes widened in surprise, "Wha..?"

"You're a complete and total jerk," Beca repeated. "I came over here to fix what I admittedly broke and you slammed the door in my face, literally!"

His lopsided grin returned, "Beca…"

"No, I'm serious. You know me well enough to know how hard it was for me to walk over here and open up…"

Jesse cut her off. "Be honest, Becs. You weren't opening up."

"I was," she protested.

"No, you weren't, which is why I _shut_ the door." Beca's eyes were stormy and Jesse watched in fascination as they darkened. "Now, that being said, I do know you," he took a step closer to her and hesitatingly put his hands on her hips. When she didn't protest, he pulled her even closer. "And I do know how hard it was for you to come and fake apologize to me, which is why I reopened the door to come get you."

"Yeah, well…"

"Shhh," Beca's eyebrows retreated into her hairline at being interrupted. "I'm not finished. I need to know something." Beca's eyebrows dove back down again, forming a sharp, suspicious ridge. "You haven't answered my question yet. Why were you crying?"

Jesse's eyes had a mischievous glint; meanwhile, Beca's shied away. "Jesse," she breathed warningly.

"I need to hear you say it." Despite the playfulness written across his features, his tone was serious.

Beca took a deep breath and then looked up into his eyes. "I was afraid I'd lost you."

Jesse smiled sincerely, "I'm going to kiss you now."

He acted promptly on his words and when he broke the chaste kiss, Beca rolled her eyes, "You're such a dork."

He just shrugged good-naturedly before taking her hand and leading her back into his room. "Just so you know, it would take a lot more than that to lose me."

"I don't know, you seemed pretty quick to shut the door," Beca countered.

"And look at the positive effect that decision had on our relationship," Jesse answered smugly.

"This doesn't change anything, you know."

"Whatever you say, m'lady."

"Dude, I'm serious. Don't get all crazy on me."

"Why, whatever do you mean?"

"Jesse," she practically growled, "I know all those movies you watch."

"Stop worrying, Beca. You're acting like dating me is the equivalent of joining a cult."

"Ack… there you go already. Dating?!"

"Too modern for you? Do you prefer 'courting'?"

"Jesse!"

"You sure are one high-maintenance girlfriend. We've only been an item for 5 minutes and already so demanding," he teased. 

Beca promptly covered both ears, "Enough with the labels already."

"Will you relax," Jesse laughed, grabbing her wrists and lowering her hands from her ears. "I'm just messing with you."

"Well don't," she protested, yanking her wrists free.

Jesse held up both his hands. "Fair warning."

She climbed onto his bed and grabbed a handful of popcorn and leaned back, "Sooo, what are we watching?"

"Making yourself at home, I see," he chuckled, climbing up next to her. She responded by shoving popcorn in his mouth, and then subsequently snuggling into his side. After nearly choking, Jesse signed contently and draped his arm around her, pulling her ever closer.

Jesse reached behind him, grabbed the remote, and handed it to Beca, who pressed play.


	2. Part 2

**A/N** : Greetings! I published the original piece as a one-shot. It was something I'd written a while ago and just thought I'd post. I wasn't expecting it to get any attention, but the favorites/follows/reviews were really nice and moved me to write a part 2. It takes place a few weeks after part 1. Hope you enjoy!

The pale pre-dawn light painted the world gold as Beca crept from her dorm room. She had grown to like the Bellas, but still thought they took this a cappella thing way too seriously.

"Be-caw!"

"Ah, Jesse!" Beca sputtered, shying sideways.

"Early Bellas practice?" He asked, handing her a coffee.

"Mmmhmm." The warm liquid trickled down her throat and buoyed her lagging energy. "Thanks." The heat she felt reach her stomach seemed reflected in Jesse's eyes. She was his cup of coffee.

"My pleasure," He said putting an arm casually around her shoulder. "You know, coffees, small surprises, terms of endearment, all these things come with having a boyfriend."

Suddenly, the coffee tasted bitter on her tongue. "Jesse," she warned, "it's too early for this conversation."

He kissed her temple. "Okay, babe. See you after rehearsal."

Beca immediately felt guilty, so she grabbed his hand and pulled him back to her. Gently, she put her free hand to his cheek and kissed him softly, slowly.

"Now that's a good-bye." He smiled so large it threatened to split his face. Beca always found a way to surprise him.

"Jesse," Beca laughed.

"See you later!" He waved, walking away.

Beca caught her self just watching him for a moment before she remembered something. "Much later!" She called back. "Bellas are on the road today. I won't be back until this evening."

"Shoot me a text when you're home then!"

After an early rehearsal, the Bellas loaded into their van and traveled a few hours northeast to a gathering of collegiate a cappella groups for a friendly competition. The Bellas' opener was a heartbreakingly beautiful Sam Smith medley. They followed that with an upbeat mash-up of Disclosure's "Latch" and the Chainsmoker's "Selfie" accompanied by some kickass choreography. Finally, Beca lead the conclusion of their set-list with a stripped down, raw version of "Landslide."

While there were no judges or awards, if there were, the Bellas would have swept them all. They were all anyone could talk about. At the after-party the other groups surrounded them, showering them with praise and compliments, quizzing them on their inspiration, and snapping selfies.

"I wonder if this is how celebrities feel," Beca whispered to herself, overwhelmed by the positive response.

"Oh, no, in Australia you get twice this much attention just for putting on a pair of pants."

"Huh?"

"Or was it taking them off?" Amy wandered off, cup in hand.

Beca chuckled, then pulled out her phone. The truth was, there was only one person to whom she wanted to talk about this. Just as she was opening up her contacts her phone vibrated and a banner dropped down indicating she had a text message from just the boy she wanted to talk to.

 _That was the ultimate a cappella mic drop!_

 _what was_

 _Your performance! You all killed your set, but Landslide was - I don't have words, which you should appreciate._

 _you saw it_

 _About 10 billion times now!_

 _are you here_

 _Where's here? jk jk! No, I'm not._

 _how did you see it then and what do you mean 10 billion times?_

 _Punctuation. You are getting serious now lol._

 _JESSE_

 _It's on YouTube, B. The video of Landslide is going viral and the other two are racking up views also._

 _omg_

 _IKR? Maybe joining an a cappella group was the equivalent of paying your dues. You may have just found a shortcut to break into the music industry. :)_

"Hey, Beca! Come over here, the Itzarap wants to take a picture with us and then do a little freestyle!" Amy called.

 _ill text you when i get home ive got to go_

 _Have fun and be safe!_

Beca rolled her eyes and clicked her phone off. She'd be having more fun if she were already home, but she'd indulge the Bellas, after all they'd given her a different kind of home. She put on a brave face and joined her sisters.

By the time the van dropped Beca off at her dorm, she was so tired it was all she could do to stumble up the stairs to her room and collapse on her bed, fully dressed. She dragged her phone from her purse and tapped out a short message.

 _home_

Then she dropped her arm back onto the bed in utter exhaustion. She was having an intense mental debate about whether dental hygiene was worth sleep deprivation when a knock on the door forced her to get up anyway. Beca tugged the door open and Jesse burst in, gathering her in his arms.

"Welcome home," he breathed into her hair. "I missed you." Having overcome her initial shock, she relaxed into and returned his embrace, back pedaling until they collapsed tangled together on her bed. Jesse pressed a kiss to the base of her head, then pulled back. "You are amazing, Beca."

Beca smiled sleepily before reaching up and grabbing Jesse by the shirt color and pulling him back down to her. "I missed you, too."

"Oh?"

Beca captured his lips and nodded. Only when she needed to breathe did she break the kiss and rest her head back on the pillow. "I'm so tired," she apologized.

Jesse moved to her side, propping his elbow up and resting his head on his hand. "Yeah, why are you so late in getting back?"

Beca let her eyes fall shut. "The after-party took longer than expected to wind down and the Bellas wanted to stay and celebrate their success. I couldn't convince them to leave. Admittedly, I didn't try all that hard. They were having such a good time." A yawn interrupted her ability to continue for a moment.

Jesse scooted downward and removed each of Beca's boots. "B, let's get you into some pajamas."

Beca managed to mumble some sound of compliance as he scooped her up and set her down at the foot of the bed. After rummaging through a few drawers, Jesse managed to find a pair of shorts and a camisole, which he tossed onto her lap. "I got you something." Her voice had only slightly more clarity than a few seconds earlier, but Jesse could at least make out the words, even if their meaning evaded him.

"Hhhuh?"

"Here." She held out a small bag she'd retrieved from her purse. After a moment's hesitation, Jesse took it.

"Can I open it?"

"Duh," Beca sighed as she wiggled out of her jacket. From the tissue paper Jesse pulled a CD and a book. His eyes widened and he looked at Beca with wonder, causing her to squirm a little under his gaze. "It's a compilation of the so-called best movie soundtracks and the book is an album guide," she explained. Jesse just continued to stare at her.

He shook his head, finally finding himself. "I know. It not just any guide, it's the essential guide. It's perfect. They're both perfect." Still though, he hadn't looked back at them since first removing them from the bag.

Finally too uncomfortable, Beca demanded, "What?"

"You really are amazing." Beca raised her eyebrows in surprise.

"You like them, truly?"

"Of course," Jesse marched over to her, putting his hands on the bed on either side of her, effectively pushing her back. "It's not that though. It's how thoughtful this is. When did you get them?"

"I made the van stop on the way home. It's another reason I was so late in getting here." Jesse laughed throatily, the sound and the sensation spreading the joy to Beca who couldn't help but join in his laughter.

"That's aca-tastic," he joked before turning serious. "Thank you."

"Yeah, well, I heard these things come with the territory, nerd."

"What?"

"What was it you said? Drinks, dinky gifts, and stupid nicknames were all part of having a boyfriend?" She teased.

"Close enough… wait. Boyfriend?"

"Yeah," she said, kissing his forehead and then lying back down, enjoying the view of his boyish grin. "It's too late to talk any more about this."


End file.
